dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
