I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
