Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
