No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
