Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish I could punch you in the face.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
