um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize