Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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