You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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