She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
