why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
