dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
