i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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