i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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