I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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