We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
