are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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