Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
