someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i drank out of a bidet.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
