her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
