She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
