How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
