I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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