Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
