I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
