i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
where does the pee come out of this thing
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize