You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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