Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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