The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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