Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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