apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
