I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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