When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
