It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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