Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
