Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
