so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
