watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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