His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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