Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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