i think i have two assholes
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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