p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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