she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
