I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
