At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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