i just had sex bonerless
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize