Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
