So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
