I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
