you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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