We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
