Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
