wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize