Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My vagina just recognized that song.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My liver just had a heart attack.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
