So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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