How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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