Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my sisters under your porch take her home
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize