I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
