Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize