I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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