They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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