Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
