You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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