2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
