I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
