She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
