While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
