wat bout pragnant strippers??
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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