I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
