As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
