I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
