I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
