You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
