So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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