She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also, beer. Big fan.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
