Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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