He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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