It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
