You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
