I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
