Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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