if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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