dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
