I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
